Have you ever wondered why so many of us feel dissatisfied, uncomfortable or stuck with where we are in life? And why we’re not getting what we want? Here’s the simple answer.
You aren’t asking for what you want.
You probably disagree with that sentence. You’ve been asking for what seems like forever and nothing has changed. But have you truly asked or have you sheepishly taken that ask back because you think you don’t deserve it?
Society is changing. No longer do we have to deny ourselves and fade into the background. We have more women than ever to look up to. There’s a common thread in all of their stories — they had the audacity to ask and believed they deserved what they were asking for.
I personally want to do everything in my power to help women understand that they are worthy of making it happen. Below are reasons why you should stop listening to your excuses and start asking.
1 // I’m no one. Those things happen to other people.
Social media is both a blessing and a curse. It can foster connection but it also promotes a false sense of who can attain what. The people who you think are untouchable and have it all are just people, at the end of the day. There is no difference between you and them — except for one thing. They’re asking!
You may want money, clothes or cars, but what you really want is fulfillment, peace and recognition. A sense of importance, someone to recognize your gifts, a deep knowing that you matter. Remember that these feelings aren’t just reserved for “those people” — everyone can have these things! Align your ask’s accordingly.
2 // I don’t know what I want.
Yes, you do. But your comfort zone has become soooo incredibly comfortable that if you actually got what you’ve been asking for, you’d be terrified. Terrified of being happy.
Push aside your fears and get out of your familiar but stagnant zone.
I will tell you that I’m a social introvert. I have to be around people or I feel isolated; I have to find alone time or I feel drained. But one day, I decided that both of those sides of me were inhibiting me to an extent. I pushed past my reserved side and dared to reach out. I also cut back on happy hours (well, naturally – #momlife) and discovered stillness and peace in photography. You WILL be rewarded when you leave your comfort zone.
3 // But I’m already #blessed; so many others are worse off.
This is the response that quickly stops me from asking. Yes, others are so much worse off — but compassion for others and self-compassion can coexist. Every time you ask with true intention for something, you’re letting your light shine a little brighter. The best thing you can give this world is who you truly are. It’s possible to be a generous and caring human being while giving yourself the same consideration.
4 // I’ve been asking and no one is listening.
You are reading this sentence right now. Do you know what that means? You were given another day. Your life did not end yesterday. Something, someone, the Universe, energy, I don’t care what you call it, decided there was something more you could give. You are the piece in thousands of other puzzles. You aren’t done yet.
Think of it like this (my fellow moms will relate), we don’t give our children a cookie until they’ve said “please.” The same logic can be applied to our lives.
We want our children to learn so we hold back — for a bit. The only way we humans seem to understand anything is to go through trying situations. What we’re asking for exists just outside our reach but it’s being held back until we’re ready. Know that your ask will arrive.
5 // I don’t deserve it.
You’re waiting for someone to tell you why you do deserve it. Why does anyone deserve anything? We all deserve it. Think about how long this phrase has kept you in the place you are now. It’s a wall to prevent you from change. Work through the reasons you think you don’t deserve it and write them down. Those reasons look pretty ridiculous, don’t they?
Don’t discount your dreams — you deserve the biggest and wildest dreams you can think of. Start asking because you deserve it, plain and simple.
I hope these insights disrupt that feedback loop you’ve been giving yourself anytime you start undermining your ask’s. If you can get out of your way, stop thinking the path to what you ultimately want has to be complicated, understand that what you are seeking is seeking you — it WILL arrive. Do not lose heart.